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Is The Quality Of The Relationship A Partnership?

E-mail from Jason in London…

I believe the quality of the relationship is a partnership.

Good sex is up to both partners to communicate and work on. If a woman has some baggage or hang ups she needs to be open and willing to let go of them just as much as you’re willing to help her move past them.

You can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink, as the saying goes. If she’s intent on being a “victim” there’s not much you can do except find a new partner who IS willing to work with you to become more in touch with her sexual side.

Would you be willing to expand on your beliefs in this regard?

Jason,

I’ll comment on your comments inline:

“I believe the quality of the
relationship is a partnership.”

I hold the man completely 100% responsible for the quality of the relationship. If it fails, it failed for one of two reasons:
1) He failed to lead correctly
2) He failed to select correctly

It is not at all the woman’s responsibility. Why? Because men lead and women follow.

If he selects a woman as I teach in “Select Women Wisely”, and he leads as I teach in “Wild Screaming” and “Sexual Power and Influence”, then the relationship will be successful.

If he fails to select wisely, there is no hope. If he fails to lead, she won’t respond and will get bored and leave.

When you think the quality of the relationship is a partnership, you put some of the sexual responsibility on her. You must assume 100% responsibility for the sexuality.

Men are always the leaders, sexually. Always. At the beginning and also after decades of marriage.

“Good sex is up to both partners
to communicate and work on”

Good sex is a result of the man 1) selecting properly, and then 2) leading properly. Logical discourse does NOT make good sex. The man must know where to lead, and he must lead her there. No discussion.

“If a woman has some baggage
or hang ups she needs to be open
and willing to let go of them”

You have to define “baggage” and “hang ups”. If her baggage is that she has low self-esteem, there is no hope. (See “Select Women Wisely”.) If she has high self-esteem and her hang up is that she thinks she can only have one orgasm per night, that’s easily fixed by properly leading. (See “Wild Screaming” and “Sexual Power and Influence”.)

“just as much as you’re willing
to help her move past them”

You cannot be her lover as well as her psychologist. They are mutually exclusive. And do not have delusions that you can fix her low self-esteem, because you can’t.

“If she’s intent on being a “victim”
there’s not much you can do except
find a new partner”

Exactly.

Jason replied with more questions:

Further questions come from your answers…

1) “You cannot be her lover as well as her
psychologist. They are mutually exclusive.”

Do you then believe sexual partners shouldn’t talk about their frustrations, fears, etc in a general sense? As an example, dealing with the death of a loved one, or work challenges, or whatever?

2) “Logical discourse does NOT make good sex.
The man must know where to lead, and he
must lead her there. No discussion.”

Interesting. I’ve always found the sharing of this kind of stuff enlightening and bonding. Furthermore I’m curious as to how the logistics work with things that are a little more “kinky” or require a lot of setup.

Some examples that come to mind are rape roleplay and setting up a safe word, knife play, etc. Some “milder” stuff like bondage might even freak out a girl if she’s hasn’t done a lot of it before.

What is your take on this kind of stuff?

3) “Men lead and women follow.”

Personally I find this true both in and out of the bedroom, but I also find good relationships have a lot of mutual respect and giving the other person freedom to blossom into who they want to be and let them do what they want to do. In other words, independence is a quality I find very attractive in a woman.

4) “Men are always the leaders, sexually.
Always. At the beginning and also after
decades of marriage.”

Does that mean you don’t believe there’s a place for a woman to be sexually dominant? What about guys who just want the woman to be a little aggressive once in a while?

Jason,

“Do you then believe sexual partners shouldn’t
talk about their frustrations, fears, etc in a
general sense? As an example, dealing with the
death of a loved one, or work challenges, or whatever?”

That’s not being her psychologist. That’s being her partner. Big difference. Notice the big difference in topics.

“2) ‘Logical discourse does NOT make good sex.
The man must know where to lead, and he must
lead her there. No discussion.’

Interesting. I’ve always found the sharing of
this kind of stuff enlightening and bonding.”

We’re talking about different subjects of discussion here. I’m saying it does no good to try to talk her into believing that she can have multiple extended instant orgasms on command, etc. She will obviously resist that because she has no concept of that, and all her experiences so far refute that. You simply lead her through the experience. Then’s she’s convinced. No discussion necessary.

You’re talking about discussing her interest in acts that require a lot of setup. Of course you have to do that, because of the logistics.

“setting up a safe word”

A safe word makes it safe. Boring! Plus, so long as she has a safe word, she is in the driver’s seat. That is not allowed. We don’t use safe words. A Masterful Lover always knows where his woman is, so he always knows the limits, so she is always safe. Never has a client’s wife or gf requested a safe word. It has never happened. No need.

“knife play”

Let me make a comment about the bdsm community. Do not confuse paraphernalia with dominance. Knives and whips and chains do not make a man dominant. What makes a man dominant is his mind. And given that, he doesn’t need the paraphernalia.

“Some ‘milder’ stuff like bondage might even
freak out a girl if she’s hasn’t done a lot
of it before.”

It won’t freak out a girl if done properly. I have introduced a few women to being tied up. It’s easy. First I earned trust. Then, on the appropriate night, I simply take out two silk neck ties and start tying her wrist to the silk neck tie and say, “You would look so beautiful tied to my headboard” and I tied the other end to the headboard. And then the same to the other arm. Worked every time. Remember, women are sexually submissive. A few nights later I do that again, plus I tie her feet. Easy.

3) ‘Men lead and women follow.'”

In the sexual context.

“I also find good relationships have a lot of
mutual respect and giving the other person
freedom to blossom into who they want to be
and let them do what they want to do.”

Well of course!

“In other words, independence is a quality
I find very attractive in a woman.”

I also believe that independence is a very attractive quality in a woman.

“Does that mean you don’t believe there’s a
place for a woman to be sexually dominant?”

Only if you tell her to be, and tell her specifically what to do. By definition, you are still being the dominant, because you told her what to do. I have done that before, very rarely, and only to push her envelope of experiences and in the interest of making things different.

“What about guys who just want the woman to
be a little aggressive once in a while?”

A ML never allows his woman to initiate. Never. Not allowed. Verboten. Period. Think about it, who’d be driving? Not him. Remember, a woman’s responsiveness is increased only when the man drives. It doesn’t increase when she drives.

Had a question to you about libido though, specifically as it relates to the woman…

Obviously in times of extreme stress/grief/whatever libido can be lowered (sometimes women use sex as an emotional release valve too, I realize, but bear with me…)

In other words, if they’ve got something terribly overwhelming on their minds it’s harder for them to get in the mood or be receptive to sexual stuff.

What’s your take on this – is a true ML able to get his women in the mood all the time, or maybe more accurately keep her in the mood, even during periods of heavy stress/emotional turmoil?

Jason,

“is a true ML able to get his women in
the mood all the time, or maybe more
accurately keep her in the mood”

The wife or gf of a ML is always in the mood. Always. She is always wanting sex and always receptive to sex.

“even during periods of heavy stress/emotional turmoil?”

Heavy stress/emotional turmoil is a libido killer for any woman, even an ML’s woman.

How do your teachings deal with sex drive – what if she wants sex a lot more than him? Is she allowed to masturbate “without him” (I’m talking just on her own, not phone sex or anything). Does he tell her that’s okay or set limits or what?

I know there’s a lot that can be done without actually having sex, but do you have clients who don’t want to deal with their spouses wanting sex (and I mean in this context anything sensual or orgasm related, as opposed to penetration) all the time?

Jason,

“what if she wants sex a lot more than him?”

She’s gonna have to wait. Remember, sex is always on HIS schedule.

That being said, my clients have sex fairly regularly. Certainly often enough to keep a woman happy.

“Is she allowed to masturbate “without him”
(I’m talking just on her own, not phone sex
or anything). Does he tell her that’s okay
or set limits or what?”

Everything is about building her responsiveness. The ML will decide what works best for increasing her responsiveness. She always masturbates when he tells here to. She never masturbates when he tells her not to. Otherwise, whenever he asks her to describe it to him, she always does.

For the wife or gf of a ML, everything she does sexually, even masturbating alone, includes her ML in her mind. Her ML is present in her mind in absolutely everything she does and thinks about sexually.

“do you have clients who don’t want to
deal with their spouses wanting sex”

The ML always wants to deal with anything sexual. The ML is always on top of everything sexual.

The bottom line is this… select wisely and then lead. You’ll have a quality relationship, and all the sex you’ll ever want.

“Select Women Wisely”

“Wild Screaming” and “Sexual Power and Influence”

Give women incredible pleasure,

David Shade

 

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Comments

  1. Mr. Disappointed says:

    David,

    I am one of your customers and fan for years. I have just about every one of your products except the secrets to erotic hypnosis. I have grown because of your teachings and I thank you for it. You have changed my life for forever and I am truly grateful! I am writing to you because I have a rant. There are very few women who are daddy’s girls and/or high self-esteemed in the world today even when you cross racial and national barriers. Many women I have met do not meet the criteria that are outlined in your teachings. I tend to come across women who are low self-esteem and selfish. I am at a job where there are some females I would date but alas they are connected to this guy who is having sex with them on the job. When I read your books and see the sample emails of frustrated women wanting great sex I often wonder where these females are so I can find them because my orbit desolate. Men aren’t the only ones who do not “get it”; women are in the same boat as a lot of men. There are a lot of men who do the right thing are descent men and a lot of times we attract the wrong women just like some good women attract the wrong men. And there are lots of men who are masterful lovers that have difficult times finding high quality women. I am one of such men. I constantly check my personality and attitude to make sure that I am in the right frame of mind. I pay my bills. I am respectful of women (In a manly way!). I am a very sexual man. Where are the high self-esteem women at? There need to be a strong female leader who can teach other women high self-esteem and sexuality. So that men could have more dating options. I am very discouraged from dating and I am about to give up! I am so bored out my mind and the only thing I have been doing to keep myself from going insane is masturbating to the thought of me giving some woman a vaginal orgasm.

    Mr. Disappointed

  2. Michael B says:

    Oh – one more thing.

    “I know there’s a lot that can be done without actually having sex, but do you have clients who don’t want to deal with their spouses wanting sex (and I mean in this context anything sensual or orgasm related, as opposed to penetration) all the time?”

    I am a ML client. I do not have a spouse. I do have my girls. I am medically celibate and have not had genital sex in 10 years. But I love to keep them VERY happy.

  3. Michael B says:

    “When you think the quality of the relationship is a partnership, you put some of the sexual responsibility on her. You must assume 100% responsibility for the sexuality.”

    To me, this is where the whole confusion in this post begins to be addressed. A relationship has an aspect that occurs in public and in the living room; it also has an aspect that occurs in the bedroom. There is an aspect of treating a woman like a lady in the living room, and as the ruthlessly expressive creature she is in the bedroom.

    The quality of the relationship is not a partnership – in the bedroom. And that extends to the living room a bit as well. But. Assuming 100% responsibility for the sexuality leaves room for the understanding there’s more to it than just sexuality.

    Personally, I expect her to be interested in bringing her best in public and in the living room, like I am. There is a lot she can contribute to me in our life together that way. I do value it. A lot. If I could rewrite the quote above at all, I would say this: When you think the quality of the relationship is a sexual partnership, you put some of the sexual responsibility on her. You must assume 100% responsibility for the sexuality.”

    Personally I feel that Jason is a little confused about what being a Masterful Lover is about. And that is 100% okay.

    At this point – after working with this material for a good while now – I can tell you that I can lead a horse to water AND make it thirsty enough to drink. And hey, look, if you want to select a woman who sees herself as, or who has legitimately been a victim, then go for it! If you want a woman who is a project, then take a woman like that. Just be damn well sure you have what it takes to do the job right and change her life forever.

    There is so much great stuff in this post, I can’t even write it all down.

    “is a true ML able to get his women in
    the mood all the time, or maybe more
    accurately keep her in the mood”
    “The wife or gf of a ML is always in the mood. Always. She is always wanting sex and always receptive to sex.”

    My girl is always aroused for me. And she tells me so.

    “What about guys who just want the woman to
    be a little aggressive once in a while?”
    What about guys who take the time to build and reinforce her desire to the point she’s just about boiling over, and then command their girl to let loose on them?

  4. Sage says:

    David,

    What do you do when you have a husband who refuses to lead.

    If I waited for him to want sex it would be never. I waited for three years for him to touch me and I finally had to say enough is enough. I can’t take this anymore. I want to be made love to.

    He also is not interested in anything other than one or two ways of doing things and nothing more.

    I have tried everything I can think of I have books and ordered info online and all the things they say turn a man on turns him off!

    He has a really low sex drive and really sex is his last priority.

    After years of hardly any sex at all and then three years of nothing I at least got him to try for a couple of months. But now he will say later which of course never comes.

    I am tired of feeling like I am not that important and to be honest it would be awesome to have someone who could make love to me and give me what I need and crave.

    I also take care of my husband sexually speaking but when he comes that is the end. He is done. His lastest thing is no foreplay rush to the g-spot (I told him how to find it) and get me to get it over with as soon as he can so he can get up and get to his woodpile or tractor or whatever. (He is only working 3 days a week.)

    Not very romantic. We have been married almost 40 years and I just want to be loved and have him lead just even once but I am feeling like it’s all on me to learn about everything and then try it on him or tell him to try it on me and there is nothing on his part that even wants to check out the programs I have ordered.

    I have tried dirty talk and said three words and he stopped and looked at me and said it sounded like it came out of a porn movie. Even though that was what I was feeling not something I saw, (I don’t watch porn.)
    I just said “f me hard. Was that so bad? Phone sex is also a no no. French kissing forget about it.

    He does not like to give or receive oral, he does not like anything that involves his ears, nipples or feet.

    He is also very sensitve about the way you touch his penis and surrounding area if he is hard or not. He has so many rules and he will let you know if you did something wrong right away. How romantic is that it just kills the whole mood.

    He has ED and has started taking shots but he whines about it and I feel guitly because he was making an effort for me.

    I am at a total loss. Today we were rolling around on the bed with our clothes on and I said we should try some new ways of being together and we did with our clothes still on and all of a sudden he said that’s enough I am getting up now.

    We were having fun and laughing which is rare and then in 10 min. that’s enough??????

    It made me so sad I cried. I really am wondering if it is worth it. It’s pretty obvious that my sex drive is in over drive and his is in under drive and he is not willing to put in the effort to really change. Just enough effort to make me feel like he’s trying.

    He sends such mixed messages that I don’t know if I am coming or going.

    It has been 30 years since we have had great sex and I really miss that. He always took the lead back then and he had no rules.

    I have never made an issue about his ED I just thought that would make it worse and even now I won’t and I don’t nag him about sex I try and make it fun for both of us.

    In the end I guess if your not interested your not interested.

    And just for the record I am nice looking and most people think I am in my 30’s or 40’s. I am 5’9 and I work out at the Y trying to get back in shape after 5 knee operations.

    I have lost 25 lbs. and hope to lose a few more.

    If you have any ideas please let me know. This is to sad to even think about.

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